\\\

In ⇆ Out ✾ New ⇆ Old

2012-02-05T22:34:00.006-06:00

☼

☀

find your way across the field. looking for something you'll feel. feeling anything at all. just may be your biggest fall. you're sanctuary turned into. a prison that was good for you. you know something growing when you hear. a sound of your voice that has disappeared. and from the inside. you're trapped in exile

remember what the doctor said. will keep your feet below your head. there's no use in holding your breath. there's no returning once you've left. from the inside you're trapped in exile .

☀

One

2012-01-28T14:17:00.010-06:00

Bobby Brown - On Our Own

Swayzak - Another Way

Cluster - 'In Eternity'

Peter Gabriel - Sledgehammer

Tears for Fears - Everybody Wants to Rule the World

System of a Down - Know

Ploy Productions - Labrynth .
tentative summer 2012.

\\i'm in the belly of the beast
as i maneuver through these streets i visualize peace
i release from this concrete
weary of the next man approach upon me
you never know who could be the type to draw heat
cause cats be beaten down to the raw meat
in search of this truth that we all seek
i stand tall never fall, we
until we all meet
i be down here dealing with the physical
keeping a full 360 in my visual
\\\ i'm looking for you in the puddle of rain
without your love i'm going insane
what else could i say just tryin to maintain
when i touch you you would ease my pain //
help a young man find his way through the maze\\
//so astoundin', how life's little circumstances that you wouldn't think was worth a glass, could turn out to be your chance\\gotta get the green like broccoli . .

2011-12-31T01:25:00.000-06:00

8

2011-12-23T22:05:00.000-06:00

Invanish

2011-12-05T19:02:00.004-06:00

Shul (Spirit)

2011-12-05T18:49:00.000-06:00

Monarchs

2011-12-05T18:46:00.000-06:00

2011-12-05T18:42:00.001-06:00

Energies. Emotions. Memories. (Incomplete)

Out . in

2011-12-04T02:24:00.004-06:00

escape tunnel vision. appreciate everything. creepy hands.

It's All Over Now, Baby Blue

2011-12-04T02:24:00.001-06:00

It's All Over Now, Baby Blue - Pastel Triad

Would like to make the red background grapes.
I can't help but laugh.

Stair Presence

2011-12-04T02:15:00.005-06:00

Float above the Stairs by Rex Misanthrope Decker & Samurai

* * *
* * * * * *

finger is fully functional now.

Unwound

2011-11-19T15:37:00.003-06:00

There are too many folk around here that align themselves with negative and shitty circumstances. What postpones a journey inward? I spend too much time with distractions. I almost cannot see myself anymore. I miss my original long time buffer. Men are not supposed to be sad. Women are not supposed to be mad. Intention does not mean anything. I am sorry. Incredibly sorry.

"Some people just do not have the courage to fly with the comets"
"Ride them"
"Make sure to ride them with balance"

Be careful of the dark side of earth.

What's up with facebook being a dating service.
Fueled by sex.
There's a loss of respect.
Is anyone who they actually are on the internet?
Before judgement, before resolution, understand & appreciate. Without bias. Without naivety.
Have a mark of empathy.

I have learned how two faced some can be.
With hippy thoughts of bullshit. "Oh they will do the right thing"
For many, when the moment is there, and the test is in-front of their face, they fail.
People can change.
But time is made up. Don't buy that shit. Shit changes shit. There is no timing to it.
That is freedom.
"mother fuckers will try to enslave you will saying it takes time"
"...it takes time"
Results. How we handle it.
Time is just another excuse. Another reason to not listen to your heart or intuition.

But if the love is there, was there, and can continue to be there, why cut?

∞ PLOY ∞

I was sucked into darkness. By demons. By vampires. Ones that will drain your energy.
Ones that cause you to become numb. This caused me to be BLIND.
"No life at all in the house of dolls." - Joy Division

Past exists.
Future exists.
It is all right now.
Now is everything.
Love is everything.
Everything is everything.

"There is no fate but we make ourselves."
John Connor
Terminator 2

The only truth in this world is that the truth is always there to be found.
It is all real.
Choose your path.
Walk it.
Know what you want and find it.
There is no fear of ruining.
DO NOT BLIND YOURSELF WITH ANGER OR YOU WILL NOT SEE THE TRUTH.

2011-09-02T14:31:00.001-05:00

2011-08-30T18:37:00.001-05:00

❤

2011-08-30T18:34:00.004-05:00

2011-08-12T14:59:00.001-05:00

2011-07-27T17:35:00.003-05:00

Mind

2011-07-06T21:47:00.002-05:00

Clairvoyance; Telepathy. All unspoken words go spoken somewhere else.

You know what I am saying? I know I don't even have to say it.

2011-07-05T16:43:00.001-05:00

2011-07-05T16:34:00.001-05:00

Obscure

2011-05-09T04:04:00.009-05:00

Cold emptiness, reaching hollow bones. Obscure spaces, housing insects and dust. No activity, hardly any love. Disarray entangled with ghost-like vibes makes this zombie-esque shelter bare and eerie. Unseen lives.

2011-05-09T03:57:00.002-05:00

2011-05-09T03:47:00.000-05:00

2011-04-13T18:21:00.004-05:00

2011-04-07T17:22:00.002-05:00

2011-04-01T12:09:00.004-05:00

2011-03-23T19:44:00.001-05:00

2011-03-21T01:19:00.000-05:00

2011-02-28T16:32:00.003-06:00

2010-03-09T15:53:00.001-06:00

wu style

2010-02-21T20:32:00.005-06:00

^keep it to heart.

shadowboxing

7

2010-02-16T14:14:00.009-06:00

accept any good, any bad, any outcome.

head , flipped

2010-02-15T22:11:00.009-06:00

[here's some pictures i have taken recently. i will probably be turning these in for class as well. who knows. ]

( ( ( i got this spirit by losing feeling ) ) )

finally back. it's quiet but tolerable.

still looking for a job.

this bike is beautiful.

may go to denton.

2010 - EP

2010-01-19T11:59:00.012-06:00

-2010EP(INCOMPLETE DEMOS;ABLETON7ONLY)
01 SPIRIT (2:53)
02 SERENITY (1:49)
03 MIND (3:42)

[unavailable]

01.beatheavy.darksynths.melodies.
02.regroup.think.relax.breathe.
03.learn.minimal.waves.

a woman

2010-01-17T02:05:00.007-06:00

probably the best placed song in my itunes.

"you may have done the wrong thing"

2010-01-15T19:03:00.003-06:00

another new demo. may have to turn your volume up for it. a lot more chill and harmonious this time around. lyrics would be perfect right at 1:17. a lot more could be done to it. i had a job interview to be a waiter at macaroni grill yesterday and they seemed extremely happy about me and my results. they should be calling me back soon. it's too bad it's macaroni grill, but it's still not too shabby. a waiting job may be nice. i feel i would know how to do it well. it'll be fun.

kung fu

2010-01-12T14:32:00.004-06:00

yo. new demo about kung fu that was made in a short amount of time yesterday. maybe i will do something with it sometime. for the most part i know what i would like to do with it. i think. i'm not sure. i am looking for a bad ass place where i can take wing chun kung fu. i have checked out a place last night but it didn't seem serious enough. it gave me a bad vibe. i am in two photography classes now. i haven't met my professors yet but they look like they have an interesting style. it's pretty dope. also, i have the potential of being hired at a hookah bar. not sure how or when it'll happen. if not, then i'll continue with trying restaurants. hopefully in the near future. i am excited.

Vile

2010-01-06T18:49:00.004-06:00

after all
this
ow that
that thingsbreak
are
is over i feel dead alive

spirits in negative

2009-12-07T15:44:00.002-06:00

twenty four/five

2009-11-25T09:18:00.009-06:00

atlas sound - the screens
i don't really know what to say right now. will come back to this later. (maybe). check out this rad song and life-altering music video.

cover me in cold light

2009-11-13T11:21:00.005-06:00

illusive reality

2009-11-06T12:28:00.004-06:00

i woke up this morning from an set of extremely weird, almost what seemed lucid dreams. i don't normally remember dreams, so when i do, it's weird. i'll probably forget it later. it's now 12:28pm on friday, november 6th. my roommate is named ac. he is asian, maybe filipino, and weighs maybe 230 pounds. he is the dirtiest mother fucker alive; pisses on the toilet without cleaning it, never does the dishes... shit like that. he's currently with his girlfriend, who is also fat, having sex to talk radio. if only i could wake up from this dream.

last night i played my first show live infront of a crowd. here is the mp3. i accidentally repeated a synth part on the second track and forgot a line which i just kind of mumbled. i wish i didn't have to perform by myself, but it was alright. it was good practice. i also wish i knew someone that was in the sea of faces; i put all my energy into my songs (isolated under green light) and into the moment and no one i know was there to see it. they invited me to play in front of a crowd of 2,000 on november 18th.

it's now 12:45 and they're whistling on the journey towards the refrigerator.

i don't know what i'm going to do this weekend.

don't think i will be going to atlas sound.

the weather channel is on in the main room. it will be 81 on saturday.

caving ache

2009-11-04T22:13:00.003-06:00

i have the most wicked head ache right now. i've never really had a head ache as intense as this for such a long period of time. i feel that it's just constricting uncontrollably. i will be playing in the show sooner than expected. tomorrow. i unfortunately have a time limit, so i will be playing an intro, game of diamonds, hibernation, and galapagos. should be around seven minutes long or so. i'd really like to sneak in thanatophobia but unfortunately i cannot. i'll be butchering galapagos but it'll be okay just this once. i will record my own set and upload it here for anyone actually keeping up with this. i have a philosophy exam tomorrow and i'm totally screwed. sweet. i think i'm just going to sleep now and wake up early to cram. my eyes have been burning all night. i'm extremely tired too. somewhat of an illusive reality.

halloween

2009-10-31T02:14:00.003-05:00

she wears me out.
i need friends. when i'm not riding my bike or making music, my room gets lonely. reminds me of last year.
been listening to birdy nam nam as of late. i got it and rode my bike for a first listen. was amazing until the cops pulled me over.
i applied for utsa's battle of the bands. i hope i get accepted. no idea how i will do things live.
might be seeing atlas sound next week in denton.

i feel

2009-10-17T16:33:00.004-05:00

i'm in greece right now.
didnt mean to do that.

Control

2009-10-11T12:14:00.005-05:00

she's lost control

Driving is starting to make me go insane.

Again

2009-10-06T18:35:00.005-05:00

favorite

Impacts

2009-09-09T18:06:00.009-05:00

1 2 3 4 5
________6
some demos here: http://www.myspace.com/homeofblackbear

Absolutely nothing

2009-08-30T17:40:00.005-05:00

is what I have. There isn't much more to lose. Material items and the one I care for the most seems to be gone. Also, finding available internet could be considered to finding gold. I'm not whining, just saying.

No sound

2009-08-21T03:48:00.001-05:00

Just got back from seeing Inglorious Basterds. Went alone. It was pretty bad ass if I do say so myself. It was pretty rad. Power went out a little because of intense storm that was going on. It thundered outside at the most climatic parts. Was perfect. It was so much different than the shit that has been thrown out lately (plot and film wise). I'd say it was second best of the summer, after Star Trek. That was remarkable; pretty much blew my mind away. It sucked after the show though. I left my windows cracked and my car was totally soaked. Even the windshield iced over.

Started on my third EP today. Have two songs completed. Both are extremely different.

Leaving for San Antonio tomorrow morning.

My greatest fear, I fantasized:/The days were long, the weeks flew by/Before I knew I was awake/My days were through, it was too late/My greatest fear, I organized/Into something more realized/And now what’s left I get to spend/Knowing that its about to end/My greatest fear I can’t decode/A cryptogram whose seeds weren’t sewn/My last few weeks I rised out/My vision blurred/There was no sound

I miss them.

"Paws"

2009-08-20T01:24:00.004-05:00

The second EP was titled "Paws". It's kind of about growing up musically and mentally. It's a lot more organized now. Here's one of the slower tracks for anyone that's there: http://theophany08.googlepages.com/Kachina.mp3 . It's unfinished. I kind of don't like how the song just... ends, but I'm not really motivated enough to fix it right now. I think I should also replace the clap with something else; claps are kind of overplayed. It needs lyrics too.

My friends and I made a joke song today titled "Angou's Wrath"; we basically decided to be a joke death metal electronic band. You can hear the Electro Death Metal Ghosts at Aarons blog. It was made in twenty minutes or so, so naturally it's going to be shitty. I wanted to make it sound incredibly corny... you know, with triplet double bass, silly synths, etc. It was a fun time. Even the name "Angou's Wrath" is metal. Be sure to listen to it loud for the full experience.

I almost finished packing today. Will be leaving for San Antonio on friday.

You know what's rad? The Butthole Surfers are from there.

Trying to stay up.

Kachina

2009-08-16T03:23:00.001-05:00

Doll/Dance

Wednesday

2009-08-12T15:19:00.006-05:00

I now have ableton live 7 and am currently working on a second EP. It is a lot more electronic and most likely more pleasing to the ears. Already working and completing two tracks. When I say electronic, I mean it has beats. I don't really think I want to head into the electronica genre.

I have to make sure I don't connect to the internet when I'm using Ableton, else it'll tell me there's a copyright violation. It's annoying. Less internet time.

It's 3PM and I haven't even gotten my shit done that I have to do today. Time to start.

"Vers"

2009-08-10T21:10:00.003-05:00

Finished a six song EP today. It's pretty amateur, but it's not horrible.

They cut my hours at work real bad since I put in my two weeks. I normally work 40-45 hours/week, but now it is 6 hours. It's pretty lame to be honest. There's literally no one in town now. All my friends have left. The days are so long I can barely hold myself. I really would like to move; unfortunately I have ten days to do this.

I finally got fitted in my suit yesterday. It came up to a total of $1680.88. Kind of ridiculous, I know. It's a shame that it will take four weeks for it to be completed. I really wanted it on for the first day of school. I bought a couple of nice shirts and a pair of nice shoes to make up for it until it comes in.

I'm unsatisfied with myself (not because of the suit). I feel pretty dumb. I'm learning though.

Two Weeks

2009-08-08T01:45:00.005-05:00

I'm home now from San Austinio. What a trip it was. It began with my cousin texting me on tuesday at 11pm asking if I can take her to the airport at 4am; her roommate was originally supposed to, but he got called in for work. I figured that I would since it's family and not really that big of a deal. I then decided that I would go straight from the DFW airport to San Antonio. I tried to fall asleep at 12pm so I could have a nice three hour nap before leaving. I ended up just laying there until 1:30 am; at that point I just got out of bed and watched shitty youtube videos until I had to take a shower and go. I picked her up at 4 and dropped her off at around 4:45 to 5AM. I don't remember exactly when I dropped her off. We said goodbyes, then split in different directions. I then put down the windows and cranked up music. I was tired of the cds I had in my car, so I plugged in my laptop. I then began driving south listening to the Bad Brains self titled debut album. As the cd was winding down I thought to myself, "How am I going to follow up the Bad Brains?" So I put my itunes on shuffle and let it decide. It decided to play the gun club and I took it off shuffle; it really couldn't haven't picked anything better at that point in time. It was the first time I felt extremely texan. Driving down the open road with a haunting texas voice screaming. On my left was very dark, hazy, warm sun rise colors and on my right was a golden full moon completely lighting up the sky. It was really a sight to see. This was around 5:45-6AM. Once the moon departed and the sun was up, the gun club was winding down. I then asked myself again, "How the fuck am I going to top the gun club?" I really had no idea what the hell was going to play next because it was in alphabetical order. I thought it was going to be fleet foxes or some shit like that, but it was fucking GZA's liquid swords. It was perfect... three classic artists/bands who are not only great at what they do, but somehow revolutionized music in some way. At that point, I decided that that was the happiest five hours I've had alone on the road.

I got to San Antonio at 10AM and met up with my Aunt Allison. To tell the truth, she's a lot more bad ass then I originally thought. It's nice to have a family member who's on the same wavelength as me on a lot of things that's on my dads side of the family. We've hardly ever talked until just recently.

After taking a two hour nap that literally felt like 10 minutes, I went to register for classes at UTSA. It was alright; my counselor wasn't as interesting as I hoped she'd be (or helpful). I finished up at 3PM and headed to Austin at that point.

As always, Austin was an educational trip.
I was with Casey most of the time. If I typed out everything that happened, then this post wouldn't come to a halt and I'd end up staying up until 4AM or so. It was a great time overall. I continue to think she's a wonderful person that I truly do care about.

We did take some rad pictures though. I feel I'm getting better at photoshop and editing / touching up pictures, which is pretty sweet because I just picked it up. I did this one earlier; it's probably the best one of her I took that day, hence why I chose to edit it.

I ran into my friend Alan in Austin while walking around; I'm surprised that even happened. After giving me the tour around Austin, he took me to a pub called... uh, Dog & Duck I think it's called. It was pretty chill; we met up with his friends who are in an ABBA tribute called stABBA. It's tight.

Now, here I am, in my room in Plano. The next two weeks before I move are probably going to be real rough. Absolutely no one is in town, I have work every day, and I'm just basically in a weird mood.

I was playing around and learning how to use a Nikon D90 earlier today. Kind of a dark image, but I was just messing around and used what I had in my car.

I don't know what to do, and it's extremely hard to explain how I feel.
Going to just drift, build myself up, and learn from my mistakes. Who knows what will happen.

Dad

2009-08-03T02:25:00.013-05:00

Today was going pretty well for the most part until later tonight. It's really hard for me to explain this because it's such a sentimental subject to me. One of the very few. Well, I was going to go buy a camera cord from wal mart because it seems that I have lost mine. When I told my dad, he asked "are you going to use your card?". I responded with no, because it was in my wallet. He freaked; apparently he thought that my card wasn't in my wallet when I lost it. He jumped out of bed and told me to go check all the money in my bank account online. As we were walking to my room to check, I told him that he shouldn't worry because my money was still there, although I haven't checked in a while. I had a feeling that it was still there. He then said that I "obviously don't care about anything. You don't know if your money is gone". We got to the computer, logged on and checked, and noticed it was still there. This is then when I told him that he shouldn't stress or worry as much because I know it's going to work out in the long run. After that, he totally fucking flipped, cussing at me, telling me that I don't care for anything or anyone, etc. I just witnessed him shatter while throwing words at me. It sucks because what he was saying about me wasn't me at all; it's sad to know that he doesn't know me. No one is there to tell him, "hey, collin is like this..." since neither of my family know either. It's a bummer, but I've been trying to change that with my family by communicating with them more than I used to. After he yelled at me, he walked down stairs and into the garage. I just got ready to go to wal mart; at that point I needed to get out. As I was getting ready, I found my social security card, which my dad also thought was in my wallet. I went to go show my dad, and as I walk out the door, I just see a shadow moping with its palm to its forehead. It was the first time I've actually ever seen my dad break down and it's an image in my head that I won't forget. It's odd, because he comes off as a stronger person without that type of emotion; someone that isn't easily bothered and doesn't cry. The king in him was just worn out.

Afterwards, I continued onto wal mart with a million thoughts and synapses going off at once. It was one of those drives where you feel extremely empty; your body is just completely hollow and your skin feels heavy. I think it was around 11pm or so at that point. I walked towards the cameras and was stopped by two employees who asked if they could look in my backpack. I didn't know what to do because I was so disoriented with what happened, thoughts, and lack of sleep. I basically told them to fuck off, because in reality they have no right to look in my bag. They realized they couldn't do anything, so they just stared at me from a distance. When I got to the camera section, I found that they didn't have the usb cable I needed.

I wanted to upload and show the pictures of the sunsets that I have been taking while I am working. Have you stopped and watched the sunset recently? It's magnificent. I've explained this before, but I really do have a passion for light. It's so gorgeous to see the sun behind the clouds and look at all the golden light waves escape through. I see the sunset every day, and as of late I have been taking a picture of it each time.

I was looking through my old pictures to find a link for "family", and I stumbled upon my Sweden pictures. I wish I could go there again soon. I probably can. I feel I didn't appreciate as much as I would now. I'd like to go to somewhere like that in the next year or so.

Wow... I keep looking at these pictures. These are so old. Some of me when I was in ninth grade. Odd.

Shit. It's 2am. I have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow (today).

There's more that was on my mind, but I guess I'll have to save it for later.

(I don't know which font I like yet -- don't know why it changes mid paragraph. Too tired to fix it right now).

Identity

2009-07-31T02:58:00.004-05:00

Shit, I had this window open for an hour or two now, but haven't said anything. Got distracted by listening to music :( I'm pretty fucking tired now.

I lost my wallet the other day. I really have no idea how; I think it may have fell out of my bag. The guy that found it called Blockbuster, since my blockbuster card was in there and it was the only way this guy could reach me apparently. Blockbuster then called me to tell me that some dude has my wallet. I then asked for the guys number and information, but it turns out that they lost it... somehow. It was written down, but later thrown away. So now, there's absolutely no way to get a hold of this guy. The only way I'd be able to get my wallet back is if he decided to drop it off at my house since it has my drivers license in it. That wallet had all my things that reminded me of summer 2008. Movies stubs, cards, etc, and now it's gone. I guess that's good though. Luckily it had no money in it.

It's funny because this summer I've been trying to change. New haircut, starting to pick up wearing suits, changing the way I eat... shit like that. I went up to the bank to try to cash in my check; since I forgot I didn't have my license they wouldn't let me due to possible fraud. All they did was say:

"We cannot cash in your check since we can't verify your identity right now.
Who are you?"

Life is funny sometimes.

I said I was going to read the little prince to myself today, but I never got to it. My brother called me asking to see a movie. I can't wait to read that book at night sometime.

Yoshi

2009-07-29T03:18:00.002-05:00

My car, Yoshi, has been taking a beating lately. The most obvious reason for this is working. Yoshi has been having more and more problems lately; replaced belts, spark plugs, headlights, and battery. The battery was recently added onto the list. Yoshi broke down and stopped on the road while I was at work. I had to get out, push the car while it was in neutral, and try to turn it on again. It wouldn't work at first; yoshi was trying really hard, but couldn't just quite get it. I eventually just talked and gave him some encouragement and he turned on. Was just enough to Sears to get the car battery replaced. Good job Yoshi; many are proud.

I started a song today. It should be finished by tomorrow, hopefully. It's completely different than what I have ever done.

At work, (do I talk about work a lot? It's all I do.) I walked in and my manager said "Oh thank god Collin, you're here, we're getting slammed". I responded with, "you mom is getting slammed" and he thought it was fucking hilarious. That was about a week or two ago. Ever since that day, he says "your mom is _____" all the damn time. It's so annoying. I haven't said it since, and this dude suddenly makes that his response to almost everything I say. It gets annoying after a while.

(I'm falling asleep while I am doing this because of work; got off just a little bit earlier).

There's more I wanted to say, but I'll save it for another day.

Zzz.

Walkabout

2009-07-26T14:31:00.003-05:00

Someone told me this story titled "good bad who knows" not too long ago. At first, I thought it was an amazing story, but I never really thought about it; it was just a great story to tell with someone trying to learn new things (which it is). Well, recently, I dropped a penny. Yeah, a penny. I didn't realize that I dropped it though until this lady came up to me and said "hey, you dropped a penny back there. I was going to pick it up, but it was heads down"... I responded with, "you didn't pick it up because it was heads down...?" in a befuddled tone of voice. As she is walking away, she says, "yeah, heads down, tails up. That stuff is bad luck." I thought that was kind of strange. "Luck"? This is where the"good bad who knows" story comes in; why didn't she just pick it up? You don't know what will happen if you pick up that penny. It could be bad, it could be good, who the fuck knows man. Just... go with it, ride the wave. I'm realizing that more and more.

Wow.

Things are a lot more thought provoking when a real experience happens. I've been noticing that's how I learn a lot. Well, that's how every one learns, but it is happening more than usual lately.

Someone brought up meditating recently, and how they enjoy it a lot. Which is pretty strange, because no one I know besides a couple people bring that up. I have been trying to pick it up, but I have been slacking. I do attempt at least once a day. But it's odd because I was reminded of it, as if life is just telling me, "hey, don't forget to do this!" It's good.

Work is soon and I still have things to do. Music makes all things better. Here's a nice little ambient piece. It's decent, but I feel like I shouldn't post anything with lyrics. Not sure why; just feels right. I don't really want it speaking for me right now.

Wow.

Borrowed Nostalgia

2009-07-25T14:01:00.011-05:00

Life has been very quiet as of late. Coming back from Austin I have realized in all honesty that I am not at the point where I am capable of taking care of anyone, not even myself at the moment. This isn't bad right now because I have the idea of it; just means I have to start eating better (more), continue to work out, continue to work, and many other miscellaneous stuff. It'll come together soon. I've noticed that it is because of the environment around me.

I cannot wait for the move to school. As of now, no one that I care to be around with is in Plano, hence life being very quiet. I have a feeling that this school year will be a pretty good year. New campus, new people, new thoughts. I have decided recently that I'll be majoring in Art, possibly filmography or photography. I have thought about it long before actually coming to a final decision. It should be interesting, considering I have never actually taken an art class in the past four or five years. To tell the truth, I really do enjoy photography. Right now, I feel I am decent at it. What intrigues me the most is taking pictures of people. People I don't know. Just normal people who walk down the street; people do strange things and I tend to notice a lot of it. Maybe I could sometime do that a lot. Just invest in a nice camera and an amazing zoom lens. Sounds kind of rapist-like, but whatever.

I am hoping the music project that I have been doing with Casey will truly work out. She is my escape. The wall of text and laundry list of things I have to say about her should not be said now though. I don't know when. I keep a lot of things to myself. To be honest, it's why I have a blog. I feel like if I told someone something, it'd redirect to people I don't want knowing know, regardless of what the topic is. I feel like I am talking to no one right now, but at the same time I'm talking to someone that actually cares. Just know that our moments together are very intoxicating to me. (Also, saying shit like that on the internet is pretty fucking lame).

Unfortunately my Ableton is still M.I.A.; learning the ropes of my own voice, hand drums, and Garageband. The program itself is really straightforward, so that is good. I just need to continue to practice; will take time. Luckily I drive a lot, driving is practice prime time.

I feel like every paragraph is a different thought. Is that bad? I'm not sure. I just have a lot of things to say I guess. I really hate how Max seems to be unreasonably depressed all the time. As of late I have been spending lots of time with him. We go for drives late at night together, and then walk in a park. He truly seems to enjoy it. I wish my parents would pay a little bit more attention to him.

I am listening to a cd that victor burnt for me; it's a breath of fresh air. good techno.

My review of it: it's fucking pretty rad.

I've decided I will stop blogging when I am there.

23

2009-07-23T13:46:00.006-05:00

So many things I have learned that I must do; It will be hard to adjust, but it should be worth it in the end. It's a good feeling knowing what to do. "Together & Down"

11:42PM Edit: today was a pretty good day. Got stuff done, went to work, ate dinner with my cousin, then took max on an transient car ride followed by a very satisfying walk in the park.

I was working on a project on Ableton, but then it crashed because it realized it was a stolen copy. Was working on a decent song. Oh well though. I think I may start experimenting with voice/drums/samples from videos on garageband until I can get another copy. We will see how it goes.

Time to change things here.

15

2009-07-15T22:59:00.001-05:00

was this today?

13

2009-07-13T01:19:00.007-05:00

the light that failed.

6

2009-07-06T20:44:00.005-05:00

take a risk just for yourself
and wade into the deep end of the ocean

(i should be sleeping right now).

4

2009-07-04T15:24:00.005-05:00

work tonight. will miss the lights; sigh.

hope you enjoy the fireworks.

3

2009-07-03T13:59:00.001-05:00

surely there is no substitute for company.

i know i'm being way too hard but i know that i'm trying.

1

2009-07-01T16:36:00.002-05:00

where is everyone? is anyone there?
it's quiet.

work from 5-2am almost every day, then wake up for class at 8. i feel the frame rate of life is unbelievably slow.

don't know what will happen.

2

2009-06-02T00:13:00.000-05:00

23
twenty-three
two three

28

2009-05-28T00:54:00.001-05:00

orange sunburst red hot glare.

26

2009-05-26T01:55:00.000-05:00

production from our room. hoping power surges won't FRY.

25

2009-05-25T01:30:00.000-05:00

poiuytfdsfguyiop908tyrewt789p0iuytdfgrty56432qdsfghjiuo8975643weasdfyghlk,

22

2009-05-22T01:13:00.000-05:00

i don't know, i don't know.

17

2009-05-17T23:04:00.001-05:00

open up your eyes.

15

2009-05-15T17:56:00.001-05:00

you seem surprised to see me put a fight.

13

2009-05-13T01:13:00.000-05:00

VOYEUR

10

2009-05-10T23:23:00.001-05:00

i'm sleeping in my own bed tonight.
that's out of control.

7

2009-05-07T12:37:00.000-05:00

come with me, do you remember?

5

2009-05-05T20:13:00.000-05:00

quarantined and kept; away from all my friends.

3

2009-05-03T02:11:00.002-05:00

i suppose you don't recall.

1

2009-05-01T15:55:00.000-05:00

say goodbye to all the frozen shit in your heart.
(so long).

30

2009-04-30T17:05:00.000-05:00

you know my thoughts, you put them there.

29

2009-04-29T18:17:00.001-05:00

remembering everything about every one is truly a blessing and a curse.

28

2009-04-28T17:37:00.000-05:00

I have never felt so bad for leaving a place I hate so much.

27

2009-04-27T14:52:00.001-05:00

it seems she is emotionless.